#248BF2

[teradaya]

[Color!]

So this post goes up at a very late hour. Such as 4:17am. People are usually asleep around that time, aren't they? Whoops. Needless to say, Ryouma has had a rough night unbeknownst to anyone but himself and now can't quite fall asleep. So. To the laptop he goes!]

Let us think on some things, my fellow insomniacs.

Though I guess I should also say if you've woken up just to read this, then don't be silly like me. Get yourself comfy again and shut those eyes. There we go, that's better, hm? You can always come back in the morning.

But, I was saying. I find myself being kind of contemplative tonight and I figured we can all (well, those of us still foolish or unfortunate enough to be awake at this hour) bounce our thoughts around. So tell me, what do you think it means to be "alive"? Is it purely a physical thing? If you're breathing and your heart beats, then you're good to go? Or do you qualify it with gained experiences, such as enjoying certain foods or falling in love for the first time?

Is there something else I haven't thought about?

Personally, I fall more into the second camp. I could argue that life isn't worth living if you have never sailed on the ocean at least once and experienced all that it entails. But then I wouldn't begrudge anyone who is simply happy being physically alive. And that's important, too, for sure. You can't rightly live through things if you're actually dead.

Let me know. It feels like it could be a long night.

Comments

[tosa]

( You're the one reading into it like that! )

Trouble sleeping? You were asking some real heavy stuff.

[teradaya]

[But he's good at reading.]

Hmmmmmm something like that.

[Vague...]

That thing happened again, that's all.

[VAGUE.......

But he hopes "that thing" will be odd enough for Mutsunokami to remember. Maybe they should come up with some term for it to use in public so as not to worry the rest of the population and make it known that, yes, yet another person is bloodthirsty. At least his problem only hits from time to time and isn't a constant desire...

Still bad, though.]

text > action!!!

[tosa]

You stayed up all night thinking things again.

( But he gets it. He just doesn't want to respond anymore than that. It really shouldn't be surprising that, given what he knows, he'd go looking for Ryouma too. At least he doesn't show up yelling like last time! He's not sure what state Ryouma might be in so he's going to lean more on the considerate side here. )

What happened?

( Why did it happen? Did someone get hurt? Did he get hurt? Or did it just... happen? )

[teradaya]

[A non-yelling Mutsunokami is a small blessing and he appreciates the thought. Still, he welcomes him with a smile, though there are the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes and a generally tired look on his face.

It was a long night, after all.]

Another bout of bloodlust. Just...outta nowhere.

[He shrugs, not wanting to worry Mutsunokami more than necessary. There really isn't a whole lot to be done about it, after all. But he still feels obligated to be honest with him.]

Took a lot outta me, but I couldn't just pass out after that. Too much happening in my head, ya know?

[tosa]

( He doesn’t respond immediately, instead, keeping quiet for a moment, watching Ryouma carefully. His mouth is shaped in a tight line, just the smallest hints of a frown giving away how displeased he is with what he sees and hears.

A bout of blood lust that came form no where? So there wasn’t a trigger like last time? That doesn’t sound like a good thing and he thinks about conversations he’s had with other people who need blood to live. If they don’t consume blood, they go crazy. And Ryouma has lasted a much longer time than the other guy mentioned going for. And he thinks about the last time he’s seen Ryouma get hit with an attack of bloodlust. The pain he was in, how hard he’d struggled to keep it together, and... he endured that all on his own last night? )

... Youre getting worse. ( That much is obvious. ) Because ya haven’t had any blood since ya got here...

( And as much as he wants Ryouma to last without it, as much he wants to believe Ryouma can continue to endure abstaining from it, even Mutsu isn’t so blindly optimistic. There’s a reality they have to face in this situation, ones he’s been thinking about ever since he learned about his condition, )

Ya keep fighting it but ya aren’t gonna last like this, are ya?

[teradaya]

[It's so, so obvious that Mutsunokami isn't happy with this situation. Ryouma can't blame him in the slightest; he's not particularly thrilled, either. But it still hurts to see that expression, the worry so evident. And then hearing that diagnosis almost hits him as hard as a punch. It's true. He is getting worse. Last night wasn't the first time he's had at attack since he lost control in the abandoned house with Mutsunokami. It won't be the last.

Rasetsu aren't supposed to live forever, and they're sure as hell not supposed to live without blood. How Ryouma has lasted as long as he has is a mystery, but not one he really wants to dwell on too hard.

So he gives Mutsunokami a tired smile and shoves his hands into the pockets of his coat.]

Did I tell ya that last time? When I had an attack. I don't really remember. But I think...I suspect that I'll go crazy one day, no matter what I do about this.

[It's hardly reassuring, for either of them.]

I'm still here, though. An' I'm still me. I'd say I'm havin' a pretty decent run.

[tosa]

( Again, he keeps his words to himself for a moment, turning them over and picking the ones that seem the most right to say. If he could just speak what was on his mind, he'd kick at the ground and ask how someone with such a brilliant mind could go crazy just like that. Why someone who avoided fighting had to get stuck with a curse like this in the first place. If he could just blurt out everything on his mind, he'd probably get a lot of his chest but it wouldn't solve anything at all. So he swallows back the outburst and tries to find something more constructive, )

Whether ya get it or not... ( Blood. ) It's all gonna be the same in the end.

( He loses his mind. He goes crazy. He dies. )

You can keep holding out and hoping it'll pass but it might not... but what about.... ( He knows Ryouma is going to hate it. The Ryouma he knows would hate it so certainly, he will hate it too. ) What if you had some to hold you over?

( And he cuts right to it, )

What if I gave you mine?