Ignis Scientia (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unfatalist) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
awashrpg2019-01-05 10:17 pm
unfatalist) wrote in awashrpg2019-01-05 10:17 pm
Entry tags:
#2471A3
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It seems quite a few of us have been reporting in on this forum lately, regarding one particular quest that a number of people seem to have completed last month — the one involving a trek into the forest to find a bell, ring it, and make a wish. Though I'm afraid the outcome of one of my wishes isn't quite as helpful to the goings-on of the town as some of the others I've seen posted, I did want to make a brief announcement regarding it.
Currently in Bluo resides a black four-door convertible with license plate RHS-113. We're still somewhat in the process of working out where and how to properly house it, much less drive it, but I digress. It belongs to Noctis, brought here courtesy of my wish. Please refrain from touching it.
I realize that making such a public request is really just inviting creative defiance of that request, but still, I suppose hope springs eternal. Please be considerate of the Regalia, and if you really must have a closer look, at least ask first.
Coincidentally, if anyone here happens to be a mechanic or have some familiarity with automotive repair, please let me know. I would be much comforted to know that if something does happen to the car, there may yet be a chance of repairing it.
It seems quite a few of us have been reporting in on this forum lately, regarding one particular quest that a number of people seem to have completed last month — the one involving a trek into the forest to find a bell, ring it, and make a wish. Though I'm afraid the outcome of one of my wishes isn't quite as helpful to the goings-on of the town as some of the others I've seen posted, I did want to make a brief announcement regarding it.
Currently in Bluo resides a black four-door convertible with license plate RHS-113. We're still somewhat in the process of working out where and how to properly house it, much less drive it, but I digress. It belongs to Noctis, brought here courtesy of my wish. Please refrain from touching it.
I realize that making such a public request is really just inviting creative defiance of that request, but still, I suppose hope springs eternal. Please be considerate of the Regalia, and if you really must have a closer look, at least ask first.
Coincidentally, if anyone here happens to be a mechanic or have some familiarity with automotive repair, please let me know. I would be much comforted to know that if something does happen to the car, there may yet be a chance of repairing it.
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[ Ignis, who has the most sound judgement out of all of them -- it didn't matter that he couldn't see the road and drive them out of danger. It wasn't so bad, huddled together where the rain pounded against the roof of the car. It was quite the squeeze, but Noctis can look back on that with fondness, their fingers still threaded together.
He's leaning his head on his shoulder now, his words a low, quiet hum. ]
Penny for your thoughts.
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[It's a fool's admission, maybe, because Gladio isn't here, and it's been months since their trio was a proper quartet. It's foolish to long for it. But back in the safety of the Regalia, where things make sense just a little more than they would otherwise, and with his fingers twisted up together in Noct's, he can confess just this much.]
I'd sleep better, if he were.
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[ He says softly, quietly. He squeezes his fingers and fights to refrain from further comment, or the instinctive need to overcompensate, to tell him that he's here, that he could fulfill Gladio's role, too, that he could put him at ease and help him sleep better. No, this is not about that.
He bites his tongue, other hand coming to clasp his. It's rare that Ignis would let on his thoughts like this, and Noctis wants to encourage it, not get him to retreat. ]
You miss him a lot, huh?
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[Which will sound bad, at first pass, no matter how he tries to phrase it, so he doesn't really bother to try and pretty it up. This is his way of trying, too — by putting out there what he's really thinking and feeling, whether it's pretty or not.
But he still leans a little more into Noct, bumping shoulders with him as their fingers knit tighter together in his squeeze.]
It's not something I can let go of easily, that need to protect you. I've been trying, you know I have, but it's what we were raised to do, the both of us. I suppose when he's not here it feels as though I'm doing the worrying for both of us, all by myself.
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Ignis has seen his future and what lies ahead, and Noctis knows that the burden weighs heavy on him, too. One day, and perhaps soon, he doesn't know, they will have to part. The thought of it is difficult, and he lifts Ignis' palm to press it to his own cheek, nuzzling into it.
He's not ready to die, not yet. He's only twenty-one, with a whole future yet to live, and to offer it up...
But how can he not? His own life had been borrowed on countless sacrifice, hasn't it? Regis had always known, and he had made that choice anyway, duty set firmly on his shoulders.
He closes his eyes, biting his lip. ]
You have to trust me. [ He says finally. ] What you were raised to do, Iggy, that was messed up. It shouldn't have been put on your shoulders at all. That isn't... that shouldn't be your life mission.
[ One day, Ignis will have to live without him. What then? ]
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[It's a soft admission, that he makes. It's also a hard one to make.]
But have you ever known me to abandon my charge, regardless of how messed up or not it might have been? It's not as though I could just leave you to it and...go start a restaurant, or somesuch.
[He closes his eyes, sliding down a little further in his seat because it's somehow more all right to slouch when he doesn't have to see himself doing it, and after a moment, continues whimsically before he can think better of it.]
Wouldn't that be something. We could never, you know. But imagine if we did, like Coctura, or Weskham. Went off and opened a restaurant. I'd still feed you every day, just like always, but we'd feed everyone else who came, too. That's —
[But then he stops, as in his mind's eye the fantasy crumbles and falls apart, and leaves behind a realization that he's always known, but never really been able to articulate well, much less encapsulate.]
...I would never be happy. Being so far away from the crown, from the influence to make things happen. I could never set my ambition aside, even for a dream like that.
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He's curling up against him, an arm around his shoulder now as he presses a soft kiss to Ignis' temple, his mind whirring. Noctis knows better than anyone else the futility of idle dreams, that veering from destiny maybe isn't such a great idea, but Ignis -- clever, ambitious, driven Ignis, he deserves so much more. ]
You know, we've never been further from the crown. [ From Lucis. Hell, they're in another world, and the fantasy curls in the pit of his stomach, the possibility of it keeping him hooked. ] You could do it here, while we're here. You could set up a restaurant, and see what's that like.
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[Of course he does. It'd function like a charity, which would probably make Noctis love it even more.]
...Would I be, ah. Doing it...alone?
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No, of course not! I'll be doing it with you. And Prompto, too. And possibly his girlfriend.
[ He's straightening, brightening at the idea as it starts to take hold. ] And maybe it could be a place people could just... be at. You've thought of that before, haven't you?
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[He runs his fingers over the seat of the car, letting the tactile sensation dredge up a whole world of fond memories to momentarily replace the more bittersweet ones.]
When we were on our trip...the best times we had were the ones that weren't strictly necessary, weren't they? Prompto asking for a detour to take a picture at some landmark or another. Gladio wanting somesuch to eat. Little things.
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[ He agrees. He definitely knows where Ignis is getting at, and he agrees. It's the little things that matter -- the detours, the chocobos, and he smiles fondly at the memories. Watching Ignis reminisce, he takes his time to respond. ]
What was your most favorite memory?
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[His fingers continue to make slow circles against the seat, around and around again.]
It's difficult to say, either way. To pick just one, I mean.
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[ Noctis watches the movement of those fingers before he's coming to rest his hand over them, curling to thread his fingers with his. The gesture is affectionate, tender. ]
You could have a few. I know I do.
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[Galdin Quay. The last time they were able to be happy without the weight of Insomnia's fall on their shoulders. Bittersweet and horrifying in retrospect, to think that it was being brought to its knees while they were so blissfully ignorant, and yet the memories themselves still have a note of bliss to them, however tainted with regret they might be.]
Your crusade to feed Pearl, remember?
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I remember how you would slave over the stove just for us. [ He shifts, closing his eyes briefly. ] How often you'd rather watch more than participate, sometimes. And your dinky puns.
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[Which gets a soft laugh out of him.]
I liked watching you. Sometimes it's...nice, to be on the outside looking in. One sees more, that way.
[He leans over, however, and presses a kiss to the top of Noct's head.]
But I wouldn't trade this for anything. Being close to you is by far the best of all.
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[ He pauses, then quickly amends: ] Being close to you, I mean. Without this place, I don't --
[ Without this place, without this change of pace, would Noctis have slowed down enough to reassess his latent feelings for Ignis? Would anything in their world have tugged them together like this one did? Noctis isn't too sure.
He's leaning in close, grasping his chin to pull him into a soft, chaste kiss. ]
I wonder, sometimes. If we never ended up here, would we be...?
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[Well. That's a sobering thought, isn't it? And one that gives him pause, as he traces his thoughts back to the last thing he remembers before being snatched away here — now nearly a year's time ago already.
The altar. Ardyn's knife. Why don't you come with me?
It leaves him shivering, the very thought of it. It's been a long time since he dwelt on it, and now that he's thought of it again, it's hard to imagine how he'd ever put it from his mind to begin with.]
I loved you before this. I've loved you for years. But would we...have found the chance? Been able to put everything else aside...?
[Unconsciously, he holds him a little tighter.]
Noct, I don't know.
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[ Noctis doesn't miss the shivering -- Ignis must remember some things that he isn't privy to, but if he doesn't want to tell him about it, then he won't push too hard.
What he's doing, however, is squirming to draw close to Ignis, wrapping his arms around him to hold him tight. He doesn't want to think about that; he doesn't want to think about what could have happened, how he would miss out on all of this.
That Ignis has loved him long before this makes his heart warm with a bittersweet affection, and he nuzzles against him, cupping his face with a calloused hand to draw him down to look at him. ]
Well, we've got this. So this matters.
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[And there's something to that, isn't there? Something to the notion that dwelling on what might have been is a moot point, and one that will only prove maddening to pursue. Noct is right; what matters is that they're here now, and that this is the course their lives have taken. There's no going back from that —
A king pushes onward always, accepting the consequences and never looking back.
Maybe...there's more to that notion than just pushing onward toward destiny. Maybe there's something in it for them right now, too. Maybe there's room for them to push onward toward the future they want to make, here, and not necessarily the one still waiting for them on the other side of the well, or whatever it is that brought them here.]
Are you...happy here, Noct?
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Is he happy here? Noctis thinks of what he's left behind, hurtling towards a now-certain fate. Every moment of every day he thinks that he's cheating death, and he should be more guilty about it -- but the rebellious part of him, the part of him that wants to live, reminds him that it's not wrong to want to experience everything he can ever experience before he's called to lay down his life.
It's not wrong, right? Now it's his turn to pick at the Regalia's seat stitchings, watching them hold sturdy even despite his fussing. ]
...Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be. [ He continues after a beat, giving breath to an old, familiar ghost. ] Plenty of Lucians didn't get to.
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[He sighs a little, ducking his head. He picks up one of his hands and rests it gently over Noct's, as much just to hold it as to stifle him from picking at the seats.]
But are you?
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[ Noctis agrees, but he marvels at this -- that Ignis instinctively understands; that in here he has learned to temper logic with gentleness and emotion, the edge of rationality made softer. Ignis is growing together with him, and he can't help but smile softly.
His fidgety fingers still, and he's threading his hand with his, drawing him into a soft, brief and tentative kiss. Is he happy? ]
I'm happy, Ignis.
[ Happier than he's ever remembered being. Ignis has unlocked so many things in him, and he's shifting to tuck himself against him. ] What we made here... this thing. [ No, he has to be clearer -- he owes it to Ignis, to the both of them to be honest. ] You make me happy.
[ Then: ] And you?
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[But he's not going to leave it at that; no, by now he's learned enough to know better. Some things deserve to be said, and often, whether they're known or not.]
When I see you smile...for a second, I forget everything else. It's been like that for as long as I've known you.
[He pauses.]
Whatever else might happen to us — I'm glad that, for a spell, we had this. The time and the space for me to find the courage to tell you I love you.
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Ignis, forgetting everything else when he smiles; it's so schmoopy and so matter-of-factly spoken all at once that he cannot help but be tongue-tied. But then Ignis continues and Noctis makes a little noise, squeezing his hand a little harder. ]
You say it like -- you say it like we're gonna be separated.
[ He says without thinking, but then he realizes that yes, they are. They will be. It might not be today or tomorrow, and he swallows hard, sobering. His heart aches from the bitterness and unfairness of it; Noctis wants, more than anything, to spend his days with him, to maybe one day grow old with him, to do so many things he can never actually do.
It's unfair. ]
I love you, too. [ He says, his words rougher than he thought it would be. ] I do. A lot. It's... [ He turns away, looking out the window and willing himself not to feel bitter. It's hard. ]