USER: #E00707 - insert an ominous fairy tale title here

[parodeity]

[ USER: #E00707 in this lovely color ]

so hey we never discussed how a magical hen would induce feelings of romance
like how technicolor is this bird
could you hold it up so it could be a discoball
i guess id fall shades over heels for that kind of chick
youd think thered be more magical rainbow bird weathercocks around if that were a huge thing here though
i want a magical rainbow bird weathercock
also i think the forest is against us looking for a disco bird
because the forest is antidiscobirds
which is oppression tbqh
i am being oppressed by a bunch of dickass trees
which is BULLSHIT
but also pretty much par for the course

anyway waiting for quest day and the new month to come is so oldschool
so
i am officially opening quests up for business
thats right mr f you aint the only one who can assign vagueass poetical quests with random requirements

quest fuck you forest and your disco bird oppression:
find the sacred discochick
dancing queen of only seventeen
or whatever that is in bird years
requirements: hopping dance music

quest im bored and you should all entertain me:
tell the coolkid a fairy tale of your own creation
(authors note dirk isnt the coolkid)
(some offense dirk)
requirements: the ability to string words together to form sentences

quest usually we have to fight something:
i made a scarecrow and put it up in the garden
go defeat it in honorable combat
requirements: no sense of shame

quest something something feelings quest:
hug a tree
maybe if we hug enough forest trees
the forest will stop being a little bitch about us wandering inside
requirements: touching mood music

anyway if you complete one of my clearly superior quests you can go to the garden to get a prize
were on the honor system here folks
dont take shit you dont earn
or do im not the boss of anyone

ps if anyone figures out a way to get or make more film for cameras on the regular
hmu
peace out

pps the forest thing was john and i kept getting bounced back when we went to maybe consider finding this awesome discobird
and eventually went well fine fuck you too
after like
three attempts

ppps is there an upper limit to how many postscripts you can put on something im not even sure

Comments

[whichcraft]

Yeah, that's right, we're remixing this classic with a heaping helping of fuck off to assholery.

So anyway, the kid hops over to the cage and opens it up, and the nightingale flies out like a sensible bird would. But rather than going straight for the window, it flutters up and lands on top of the cage, and when it opens its beak it sings the most beautiful song that the kid has ever heard, and all of a sudden the pain in his leg starts to disappear, and when he looks down he realizes it's healing itself right there before his very eyes.

But that's not the only thing that's healing, because the king's still there too, and so the wound on his head is starting to seal up, and the kid knows he'll be conscious again in less than a minute.

So the nightingale falls silent, and the kid and the bird look at each other, and then they both look at the king, and finally the kid says, "Take me with you."

So the bird starts to sing again, and this time the song is wild and free and soaring, and by the time it's done the kid has changed into a nightingale, himself.

And so just as the king starts to wake up, the two nightingales take off and soar out the window, just in time for him to see them going.

They never come back, and they live happily ever after, and every day for the rest of his days the king went up to his son's old room and screamed out the window for the nightingale to give him his son back.

And nothing happens. The end.

[parodeity]

[ maybe it shouldn't sound as hopeful as dave feels it does. ]

you know what
you earned three prizes
you are good at this

[whichcraft]

I told you.

First rule of fairy tales. Know your audience.

[parodeity]

am i really that easy to read

[whichcraft]

I'd say it's more like I'm good at reading, really.

I was never good with with putting stabby things into fleshy objects. Reading people's one of the things I actually could do.

[parodeity]

for some reason i grew up mostly learning the former
but my sister has always been good at the latter

[whichcraft]

I mean it's a double-edged sword? Pun intended.

It's a good skill to have, super useful, right up until the dude whips out a broadsword and then all of a sudden talking doesn't do you a shit lot of good anymore.

[parodeity]

psh
i usually try to put off the swording until my rambling proves ineffective
and even then sometimes i will just keep arguing
depending on who is telling me to whip out a sword and duel them

[robosmith]

Thanks for the rad avian-themed story.
And thanks to my ever so generous bro for being willing to share.
Here's a prize on my behalf because art begets ironically badly drawn art and all that.

[whichcraft]

Well, shit. Now all I need is a monk to inscribe it on some vellum with a gigantic first letter and I've got it made, baby, story and illustration and all.

[robosmith]

With any luck a monk will come wandering out of the forest. It's probably just a matter of time.
Stranger things have happened here.
But when the monk deigns us worthy of his presence, we can totally get this shit properly published ye olde style.
Make it an official fairy tale.
Eat your heart out, Hans Christian Andersen.